Today was just amazing.  And surreal.  And beautiful.  Unforgettable.  All those things.  It was one of those things that makes you happy to be alive.

Mind you, I should be doing homework right now but I want to get this out before the feeling fades or I fall asleep or something.

One of my best friend's weddings was tonight.  We lived together on campus for the past two years (Nicole was her name).  Anyways, she got married tonight in a simple, elegant wedding that thrown together in a week.  And her newly wedded husband (god, it feels so weird typing that) but her hubby is a good match for her.  He has been since they met two years ago.  And you know that what they have is the real thing, that their love was genuine and it is going to last forever.

Now maybe the reason why this wedding has such a powerful effect on me is because I know the bride and she is one of my close friends.  But it is starting to put things into perspective for me because I know a many people who are/will be getting engaged, are in engaged, are planning weddings, and a guy is going to be a dad in two weeks.  Life comes at you fast and you better be prepared.

Or maybe things are just coming into perspective and I hope I'll find that right guy and have that good life.  Hell, I still have to meet that first guy.  There's no rush at the moment but just seeing Nicole's wedding tonight and knowing that they're that perfect match makes me believe my possible better half is out there and that love (especially that true love) does exist.

I'm such a hopeless romantic tonight and I love it.

:)

Disaster in the kitchen. 

I tried a recipe that someone told me in three minutes without writing anything down.  Very basic...butternut squash soup.  Sounds exotic and butternut squash really isn't terrible tasting.  The actual soup I made was kind of sweet, with too much olive oil, and a bit bland and felt like it was missing something.  It's just going to take some experimenting.

I don't want to do homework, paper or otherwise.  It is annoying at best, like a bug or misquote in the ear.  I have a lot to do.  I know this, but I can't focus...nor do I really want to.

Bah.  I'll try my hand at my Communications homework.

Edit @ 10.07 p.m So I am in a pissy mood now. Losing a paper for my prose writing class and smelling that the soup I attempted to make now smells funky in the fridge does not make me happy. I am forgetful and I will never be able to cook anything beyond ramen and sandwiches. / edit @ 1008 pm

Homework, homework, homework.  I've been dabbling in it through out the day before really diving head first as soon as I got back to my apartment. 

I have an inablity to stay up late unless I am working a job.  But when it comes to staying up late working on homework, I want to sleep.  Sleep is good.  I love sleep but at the same time I know things need to get down and that often allows me to have trouble falling asleep.

Gah.  I need to get back to work...

First, off reactions to Battlestar Galactica Razor.

( Cut for spoilers )

Now, Don Quijote is open and I am hell bent on typing out as much as I can of my paper and going back and adding sources tomorrow. Or today. It is Sunday now. I have my outline of my deconstructive paper. I've done my little deconstructive formula. I have emptied a can of Monster for my caffeine fuel I need. I know I can do this. I know I need to get it done though. I've done it twice before. What's stopping me now?

Nerves.

I got other things on my mind. A wedding I just learned about tonight that is Sunday for one of my closest friends. My world lit paper. My web page project. My communications exam and paper. My writing portfolio. Dealing with trying to set up work with the pub. How will I manage it? Where will I find the time? Will I lose my mind (again)? I'm more concerned over the school work.

I'm rambling too much. I'm going to try and get this paper done. As much as I can without going too crazy. I really want my time machine to work without screwing up space or time.

I haven't been in a good mood for awhile.  Eating ramen for three nights straight for dinner gets old really quickly.  Probably be having ramen again tomorrow night for dinner even though I'll be home.  I'll snag a few packs in my bags just in case.  I just found a whole open pack of beef ramen.  Hurray for me!

So despite the ramen dinner woes, life is pretty damn chipper.  Probably the most its been in awhile.  I love Diet Pepsi Max, my presentation went well, and I sort of get a break until next Monday.  When I say sort of, I mean, Kelly doesn't have classes and gives me some time to work on her massive amounts of projects that count like her final exams.  I don't mean Kelly has five days of no classes where she can throw everything to the side and do nothing for five days.

The family is going up to NoVa (Northern Virginia) Thrusday to visit the grandparents for Thanksgiving.  We won't be back till late Friday.  Saturday I'll be home and bugging the pub, and Sunday I come back at night.  Not as much time I would like to have to knock out my huge Don Quijote paper, refine my web site project, and be victorious over my communications class in general.

I'm not in a bad mood.  Rather chipper really.  I just wished I had a lot more time to dedicate to my many things-that-need-doing-before-the-end-of-the-semester.  But don't we all?

I'm tired and feel like my eyes are about to fall out.  I got up way too early to work on homework and want to go to bed early so I can wake up early again.  Somewhere around five hopefully.  Yeah.  I can't stay up anymore unless there's a lot of caffeine.

Last week, I spent a majority of my time working and revising my argument for my giant/medium World Lit paper I have due on December 11.  It concerns skaz, Gogol, The Overcoat, Bulgakov, and Heart of a Dog. The thesis was never really quite right.  It was arguable but it wasn't concise enough.  I kept rewording, readjusting, and changing it all last week.

This weekend, I spent a majority of my weekend attempting to focus the thesis even more by proving it.  Thus comes in the outline.  I spent an unsuccessful Saturday going through research, trying to pull bits and pieces to try and work in my presentation as well as due my annotated bibliography that I have due Tuesday too.  Go to Sunday where I attempted to begin my outline between the two books, working even more meticulous than usual because I don't have my paper written yet.  (There was no way in hell I could write my paper last week with the presentation and everything else on it).

I barely got anything noteworthy done on the outline and didn't get a majority done till this afternoon.  I went to see my professor and learned that I only really need to focus on the one book we read for class just because the others won't be familiar with the other book I've chosen.  Kind of takes a load off but not  really.  I am having the worse time trying to connect everything and make a cohesive argument.

I may be ready for winter break, but at this point, I still crave the familiar, comforting troubling toils of analyzing literature than to waiting at night on chaotic, indecisive people.

Wow.  This thing really has fried my brain.  I still love literature!

I can all ready feel this presentation is going to be a B if I'm lucky.  I see so many flaws  and fallacies in my argument that I don't know how to fix and it worries me.

I've been at it all day yesterday and since I woke up this morning...

Books cost too much, especially running the possibly very high figures for books.  Books cost too much and I usually keep almost everything that I buy because I could use them again and because most of them are regular reading books.  That is besides the  point.

I should be working on my presentation involving skaz, Gogol, The Overcoat, Bulgakov, Heart of a Dog, and a lot of research.  Instead, I watching videos on youtube, looking up guitar tabs for the the acoustic version of Heaven's a Lie by Lacuna Coil.

I tried to play guitar for a year and a half and it sort of faded because I could never get it just right.  I was never musically inclined in anyway except for head banging and listening to music for fun.  I still have my acoustic guitar, granted it's probably pretty out of tune but I have friend that can fix me up till I can get one of those things to help me out with tuning.

I don't know where the urge to strum on my huge blue acoustic guitar has come from.  The thing isn't even up at the apartment and it is back home.  But...as luck would have it, Thanksgiving is next week and I'm going home sometime Wednesday.    Besides writing a ten page Don Quijote paper this week, I can play around on the guitar and try to build up finger strength again for cords. 

I sound so lame.  All right, back to Gogol and company.

Cheers.

And the video that started this whole entry.

Goodness I hate the toilet out in the hall.  Sometimes when it flushes, the stopper doesn't go down and the thing will keep running.  This what happened but the stopper went down so I was playing in toilet water trying to figure how to keep the thing from running.  Lucky I did, and now I think the toilet will blow up next time it flushes.

I am so afraid of the world it is funny.  It is actually going to be the topic of my humor paper but I digress.

There are common themes in there...beneath the digital code that make up the entries.  Fear of the unknown. Panic at the slightest thing.    Restless nights of staying up because I worry too much. 

When I read earlier entries from high school over at diaryland, it not does that seem that different from now except it was back in my junior year of high school and not my junior year of college.  Instead of a Macbeth essay, I'm sweating two essays on Don Quijote and skaz (revolving around two Russian authors).  Yet even I make a big deal out of things, it isn't so frightening as it was when I was sixteen.  Four years does make a difference.

I know more than likely the toilet won't explode (I cannot account for my irrational fear of toilets and indoor plumbing) and it will flush as regularly.  It isn't like the thing is going to overflow like that urinal at the pub did over the summer.  Now that was a frightening sight.

But even though things are overwhelming at the thought most of the time, I handle it.  Time is weird and trying to think about the movement of time and so on is difficult.  I'm an English major and not a Physics major.  But take it as it comes because I will get it done somehow.

Now if I could only remember that all the time.  I would be golden.

Cheers.

I didn't get home until eleven tonight.  I'm exhausted and I have my energy drink in front of me.  I have criticism in front of me on my desk, some more criticism on my bed, and even more on my nightstand.  I can seriously make a small book with the all the paper I have.  It's insane. 

I know I need to get through some the stuff I have on my desk...total pages is a little over thirty with two pages of the journal article shrunk down to one page.  A lot of reading I am bound to get done tonight, or at least try to get done tonight because I have shite load tomorrow concerning my World Lit research.

I kind of got screwed over from lack of luck with presentation sign ups and I got stuck with the day before Thanksgiving break, the same day our annotated bibliography is due in the class. I was hoping to have some time to do it over break but no.  Basically the presentation is my paper and I have to plan/write my actual paper within the next week.  Which makes me feel crazy on the inside.  And mind boggling. 

I hate structuralism.  I've been doing a lot of research on multiple topics.  Things are beginning to run together and lose their meaning and sense.  One thing is trying to relate itself completely unrelated to another.  Somethings can be used but it makes me feel stupid trying to relate everything.  There's this one theorists, Mikhail Bakhtin.  He did a crap load of stuff.  He has a ton of theories and information and stuff.   People have written crazy amounts about his stuff and I know I can use him somehow but I can never find the exact information.

It feels like I am in over my head.  Like I bit off more than I can chew.  I can't focus nor can I even stay up or focus for that matter.  I got home too late.  I am crashing from the caffeine from earlier this evening and the energy drink isn't doing anything for me.  That's sad.

I can't focus.  I can't even type straight. I'm curling up in bed and trying to sleep.

Watch though as I don't fall asleep till two in the morning.

Super duper.

Cheers.

Who got all her classes for the spring semester? Me.  That's who. 

Though I was tempted to scream while I was in the computer lab during registration this morning, I didn't.  I couldn't say the same for the guy siting behind me. He didn't get four out of the five classes he needed or something.  He was shouting, he threw his jacket on the floor, complained how bad the internet was to the IT people (and after three years of going to the school and going through registration, the internet is going to be slow with classes because you have a thousand people trying to access the same sight as you at the same time).  Come on, use your head.  The best you can do is have the right class numbers and hope for the best.

Lucky, the fates were on my side this morning.  The classes I have are as follows for those who want to know:

Engl 325 - Modern World Literature
Engl 353W - Business Writing for the Professionals
Engl 354W - Public Relations Writing
Engl 395 - Postmodern America
CLSC 201 - The Mythic Imagination (aka Classic 101 with Greek Mythology).

Pushing it again with four English classes and two of them being writing intensive.  I only need three of the English classes for my degree.  The elective is World Lit.  I really want to pursue my masters (yes, I think too far ahead) in literature, specifically in World Lit and it gives me a good background to pursue it in.  Anyways, with the classics class, I wanted to do something fun.  What can be better than Greco-Roman mythology?